Saturday, July 9, 2011

Encounter With A Demon -- I Think

I once met a psychic entity which could, I think, be called a demon. It was purely psychic, it dropped into my mind uninvited, and it didn't leave when politely asked to. More, it nattered constantly, making a pest of itself, and would have driven me to distraction if I hadn't found a way to get rid of it. In short, it attempted psychic possession and was not benign. What else could I call it?

I was twelve years old at the time, and my parents were going through some marital troubles which eventually led to their divorce. I kept away from their squabbling by hiding in my own room, with the radio on loud, under the excuse of doing homework. Of course, this meant that I had to actually do the homework – constantly – lest one or the other parent come peering into my room and catch me doing anything else.

This was no fun whatever. I could get through my English assignments quickly, even though the required books were painfully boring, because I could speed-read. History wasn't much more of a challenge, for the same reasons. Science was difficult, not because of the facts and relationships but because of the required mathematics, and Math was worst; I had no talent for mathematics, no intuitive grasp of it, and could get through it only by laboriously applying memorized theorems, formulas and multiplication tables.

I was sweating through the Math homework one evening when I felt another presence – in fact heard it in my mind. It was a nattering, whining, inflectionless voice demanding: “Give me data, set me a task.”

I'd been having psychic experiences since I was six, so I realized at once that this was a psychic presence rather than a physical one, and I was surprised but not frightened. I was also grateful for the distraction from my Math homework. I set down my pencil, closed my eyes and turned my attention to the intruder. “Who are you,” I thought at it, “And what do you want?”

The intruder hesitated over the first question, and I got the impression that it didn't know the answer itself. While it hesitated I mentally looked it over and saw that, as minds go, it was really very small. It had awareness and intelligence – a smoothly efficient rational facility and an enormous memory – but no emotions other than its eagerness to process data and an insatiable hunger for more. It wasn't a whole mind but only a fragment of a personality.
I dubbed it “The Driver” because of its driving demand for facts to ingest. “Set me a task,” it nagged, “Give me data to process.” I got the impression that if it weren't busy processing data, its awareness would shut down completely. If a computer could have a soul, that soul would be like this.

“Oh, this is neat,” I thought, seeing that The Driver could be useful. I opened my eyes, looked at the page of Math problems, and ordered it: “Do my homework.”

The Driver fell to the task with a will, and I could feel its purring contentment as it worked. Through my eyes it looked at the figures of each problem, and came up with the answer in a second. I had only to write down the numbers The Driver gave me, and then move on to the next problem. I was partly amused, partly annoyed, that I myself wasn't aware of The Driver's calculations; the process of actually solving each problem didn't go through my mind at all. This, I considered as I duly wrote down each answer, was proof that The Driver was something alien, from completely outside myself.

It got through the whole page of Math exercises in less than five minutes, something I'd never been able to do, and then nagged for more. I turned to the page of Science problems and turned The Driver loose on them, this time feeling a touch of regret that I was getting only the answers and not really understanding the questions at all. It felt something like cheating on a test; I knew that I'd get a good grade for having the right answers, but I wasn't really learning anything myself. History, next, was a little different; The Driver had to mine my memory for the chapter I'd just read in order to dig up the facts it needed to process for the answers, and the sensation wasn't pleasant.

On the English homework The Driver faltered, because the questions didn't just require digging up and connecting facts; they demanded interpretation, and that was something The Driver didn't know how to do. It could correlate all the data I'd read about the history and personality of Silas Marner, but it couldn't add the understanding of his motivations. I had to contribute that myself, and The Driver responded with a blank sense of bewilderment. For all its calculating power, there were limits to its understanding. Worse, The Driver nattered impatiently for more data, distracting me while I was writing my answers in the workbook.

But at last the homework was done, and at this hour the parents weren't likely to peep into my room to see what I was doing, so I had a good hour to myself before bathtime and bedtime. I tried to spend it reading something I liked, such as Albert Payson Terhune's dog stories. But now The Driver's whining for more data, more data, was becoming a distinct annoyance. I tried ignoring it, but the nattering voice still intruded. I deliberately told it: “Shut up, will you?”

It didn't. Its yakking spoiled my hour of personal time. The Driver was still yattering as I took my bath and got ready for bed, and by now I seriously wanted to be rid of it. But how?

As I was getting into bed for the night, the obvious solution occurred to me. The Driver was only a partial personality, and it had no understanding of human motivations. In fact, it did not even have a human sense of self-preservation. So I turned my attention directly toward it and asked: “How do I disentangle you from my mind?”

Sure enough, it answered. “Overload,” it said. “Overload.”

That was all I needed to know. “I have a task for you,” I said. “Calculate the nature and purpose of the entire universe. Correlate all data. Start now.”

I could feel The Driver revving like an engine gearing up to speed, felt it rifling through its own memory, and mine in passing. It began to hum with effort as it processed data, faster and faster, trying to correlate all that information. As the hum rose to a whine, I realized I didn't want to be awake when the thing reached its top speed – so I lay down, turned out the light, and deliberately blanked my mind as if falling asleep. And in a few minutes I really did fall asleep, hearing that whine in the back of my mind rising in pitch.

Sometime in my sleep The Driver overloaded and wrenched loose from me, and spun off to wherever overloaded psychic fragments go. Being preoccupied as it was with its impossible task, I doubt if it ever managed to attach itself to another mind again.

From this experience I concluded that what we commonly call “demons” are no more than fragments of a personality, somehow wrenched loose from their original minds and cast adrift, but bonded to enough psychic ability to maintain themselves until they can attach to another whole mind. I would venture to guess that if a “demon” can't attach to another mind within a limited amount of time, it will eventually wither to extinction. Just how much time that is, I don't know. What I do know is that I've never again encountered another parasitic psychic fragment like that.

I also wonder, at times, what would have happened if that “demon” had attached itself to a mind less centered or more easily frightened than mine.



Aya Katz said...

Leslie, very entertaining! That Driver entity sounds like a computer virus!

Aya Katz said...

Leslie, I tried to send you an mp3 file to your cox email account, but my email service report they had trouble delivering it for the past eight hours.

If you have another email accoint that's better to send attachments to, email me with the other address.

Leslie Fish said...

Hi, Aya. Alas, I don't have any better email address. This one has received MP3s before, and had no trouble with them. Hmmm, besides, my local computer wizard came over today and upgraded my music-recording system; try again, and let's see if it works this time.

Yes, the Driver did indeed have a mind like a computer program -- and this was decades before PCs were invented!

--Leslie <;)))><

Prof. Godel Fishbreath, Otter said...

At a blessing for a wedding I was to run the phonograph. I was walled away from the main ceremony. I got an impulse: what would happen if the candles could not stay lit? and then they could not, until I had been 'exorcised'. Came away with a slight telekinesis ability and a 'what whas that' feeling.

KateGladstone said...

Gödel Fishbreath/Otter: who exorcised you, & how? Not many wedding-photographers can confidently ask for an on-the-spot exorcism ,,,

Leslie: Too bad you couldn't have tamed The Driver & kept it around. What if you'd asked it: "Quietly memorize _verbatim_ all that I see/hear/read/sense in any way, while I am taking in said material, WITHOUT interfering with my own thoughts: & pause that task whenever I ask you to /a/ compute and/or to /b/ explain HOW you computed a problem, for ONLY as long as I follow your explanation, and/or /c/ providing me — when I ask, and ONLY then — with particular info that you've memorized: after which, when you finish /a/ and/or /b/ and/or /c/, you return to the main task till next I ask you to do /a/ and/or /b/ and/or /c/"?
That seems the plain thing to ask for, so I can't see why you didn't.
Also: if Driver was indeed some split-off part of a mind/personality, floating around seeking a human to attach to ... may it have been a split-off part of YOUR OWN mind/personality/brain (namely, whatever part was intended to handle math) that was just trying to come home? As I recall, you've told me and others of a very early event in your life that, in your judgment, suppressed your power to do math: you know as well as I do that what's suppressed can, and often will, try to emerge.
Re your concern that getting the answers so easily was "cheating": it wouldn't have been, by any reasonable standard, if you "showed work" along w/the answer, any more than it's cheating to see 2 objects + 2 objects & grok "4 objects" & then count them on request to prove your answer.
In other words:
I suspect the Driver was the "math part" of your mind. If so, it would have been possible — as hinted above — to ask Driver to not only give you answers, but to demonstrate how it got each answer— & to then _teach_ you how it got the answer, step-by-step, via whatever teeny-tiny steps you needed for grokking in fullness ... so that you could get the answer too.
If you'd asked Driver to TEACH you, as opposed to just feeding you answers & then choking on the Big Answer, what would have happened?

Either the task of teaching you would've proven insoluble (& Driver would have self-destructed): no worse than your actual solution,

OR (what I think more likely)

/b/ you'd have come to grok at least some math, and possibly even become a math-calculation _savant_ (most of whom are of normal or superior IQ: NOT all idiots as myth says).
Most _savants_ do report that the answers pop into their heads w/out effort, apparently from some part of themselves that they experience as being (or as being like) an outside entity that does nothing but math/memory. Since it's fair for _savants_ to be _savants_ and pass classes thus, it'd have been entirely fair for you to do so if opportunity offered.
I think the Universe _did_ offer you the chance to get back your long-suppressed "math module," in the grokkablr form of an entity you called Driver: doing the best you could think of (to get it off your back when you needed) you blew that opportunity by blowing Driver to bits. Maybe there are folks out who know enough about blown-to-bits "modules" or "suppressed parts" of a person that they can re-assemble the one that came your way literally _begging_ work.
In sum: the Universe sent you a perfect math-tutor, right when you could have really used it ... and, rather than set it that task, you tricked it into suicide. (Not your fault; you didn't see that it could have been a tutor.) I hope you're right that it couldn't feel emotions, for then its death was painless.