Saturday, September 19, 2015

An Added Incentive


Heheheh.  In addition to announcing Rasty's and my new book, I thought I'd add a bit of a teaser -- like the first few pages.  If Intrigued, go to Smashwords and read further -- at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/568347



A Book Of Instructions
For living with a smart modern woman in the USA

by the Anonymous Desert Rat


Published by Leslie Fish
Copyright 2015 Leslie Fish



*****



                                                            PROLOGUE



Not Exactly an Owner’s Manual


When I was young I thought a wife should come with an Owner’s Manual, just like a new car.  50 years and 4 marriages later, I have given up on that.  No modern woman with an IQ above room temperature is going to be owned.  Women are a lot like cats, although more likely to come when you call them.  And about as likely to do what you want when they get there as a cat.  Most of us men have a fantasy of a smart wife that is a slut in the bedroom and a lady in the drawing room, and our own slave who would never look at another man.  Lots of luck with that.  But if you can’t get a Owner’s Manual, a wife should come with a book of instructions on how a man can live with her.  Read this carefully and you may not have to go through 3 or 4 wives to find one you can live with.




Dedication


To my  [pick one or more]    Loving Husband, Live-in Boyfriend, Longtime Lover, Significant Other, Current Owner, Other_______________


From your  [pick one or more]  New Wife, Live-in Girlfriend,        Longtime Lover, Significant Other, Current Trainer,                           Other________________



*****


   
Other Dedication


This page is for the woman that was smart enough to buy this book for her man;  every woman should come with a book of instructions.
  
If you're the man, you should start on the next page.  There's nothing for you to see here.  Turn the page!

Now, as I was saying, ladies, the fact that you came with a book of instructions will not get him to read it.  A Real Man don’t need no stinking book, ever.  After all, he knows all about women.  He learned it all from the bigger boys when he was young -- and that's half the problem.

You see, when boys grow old enough to start getting curious about girls, who do they ask for answers?  Do they ask girls, let alone women, "What do you like?  How can I please you?"  Oh no, never.  They ask the bigger boys.  And the bigger boys, for all their bragging, don't know jack-sh#t.  99.9% of them are lying virgins.

But by giving your man this book, now when you don’t do what he thinks you will do, you can say:  "Did you read the book?  It’s all there in the Instructions."  Now he will have to read the book or shut up.

This book is for women with an IQ above room temperature, who can make their own way in the world, and expect to be treated as equal to their husbands.  Now I know that there are a few women around who think men are superior to them, that as he worships the big GOD above, she gets to worship the little god down here – him -- that her job is to be a brood mare and have a bunch of kids to fill his quiver.  If you believe that, this book is not for you. Likewise if you are a Biker Mama, and your idea of a good time is when your man tells you "Strip, and get your ass up on the pool table and spread, 'cause me and my bros are horny", this book will have little to do with your lifestyle.  You will find some blank pages at the end of this book where you can write down your own little dos and don’ts.

As you know, men are pretty much the same.  They're kind of like Fords;  you can’t tell one from another.  They are kind of interchangeable.

Women, on the other hand, are like hot sports cars;  they have the same parts, but how you tune them makes a big difference.  I have learned, the hard way, that what one woman loves another will hate.  It’s only fair that you list your main dos and don’ts: not all of them, just enough to give the man an idea of what he has gotten himself into.  Then, when he wants to know why you're mad, just tell him it's in the book.




*****

3 comments:

Aya Katz said...

Are all men really the same, Leslie? You are beginning to sound like Thomas Jefferson: All men are created equal. I have never met two men who are equal. No two are the same. Probably not even identical twins, though I'm not sure, there.

And as for the older boys not knowing anything to tell the younger boys -- do the girls know much more at that stage? How is a woman supposed to know what she wants or what she likes or what pleases her, when she has no experience?

I think one of the reasons both men and women long for someone who will understand them and know what they want is that sometimes they don't know what they want themselves. They keep hoping someone will show up who will give them what they want without their having to spell it out. Nobody really has any idea!

Leslie Fish said...

Heheheheh. "Equal" does not mean "same", and I can prove that with mathematics; 2 + 2 = 3 + 1. The two sides of that equation (natch) are "equal", but they're not "identical". Anyway, having had some 40 lovers before I settled down with Rasty, I'd agree that in summary they're pretty much the same; it's only the particular mix and ratio of elements that's different.

As for the girls not knowing any more than the boys, at least the girls are willing to admit to themselves that they don't really know anything. The smarter ones are also willing to ask full-grown and experienced women, rather than just the older girls. Often they rely on advice from books, which is why Romance novels are so popular.

And of course there's no teacher like experience.

Manfrum Unkkle said...

My wife and I have a prenuptial agreement with only two clauses.
1. If we ever fight, argue or disagree strongly we will talk it through until we can understand each other's point of view, even if we still think the other one is crazy.
When she asked what happens when we're up all night and miss work the next day I told her "Nothing at work is more important than you".
2. Only one of us is to be sick at a time.

That's it.